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Reality is not subject to the limits of human knowledge.

— Troy Gustavel

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"sex is like snow, you never know how many inches you're going to get, or how long it is going to last."

-anonymous

youreaLIAR

what's the point in lying? it's a question that i can answer and finally agree with that answer. there is no point in lying. for so many years i don't think i ever told the truth to my parents. and it was just my parents. i wouldn't lie to my friends, because my friends were family to me, and my parents were nothing. it's kind of sad. i just wish my parents understood why i had to lie to them for so many years. the truth honestly would have had much more consequences then the lie...or at least i had thought. lying is never good. so don't do it. yeah, you may get in trouble for telling the truth, but as they teach you in like 3rd grade (which i obviously did not listen to ha) "honesty is the best policy."

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REMEMBER TO BREATHE

-DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL

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Time is a storm in which we are all lost.

— William Carlos Williams

staircasetoWHERE?

StumpleUpon is my latest obsession, and while on there I came across a website titled "50 beautiful black and white photographs." The picture to the left is one of them, and it got me thinking. Life is sort of like living in a house you've never been in before. You see a staircase and decided to go up it, except you have no idea where those stairs are going to lead. You never know where life is going to take you. Every thing you do leads to another. And you never know what that "another" is. Just another reason on why I think life is a weird thing. Interesting, unusual, and weird thing.

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"If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden."

~Attributed to Claudia Ghandi

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"There Is A Voice Inside Of You That Whispers All Day Long, "I Feel That This Is Right For Me, I Know That This Is Wrong." No Teacher, Preacher, Parent, Friend Or Wise Man Can Decide What's Right For You- Just Listen To The Voice That Speaks Inside."

-Shel Silverstein

the12

Me, Daddy (Sean), Bobby, Stephen, Joey, Kelly, Megan, Scary (Mike), Colleen, and Carolyn.

-Missing from picture-Mike G and Erin

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, the 12. It used to be just us six girls and them six boys. We became good friends and realized that six of us and six of them made 12. And so, the 12 was born. I love the 12 to death. When I'm with them all I can do is smile. :) <--- like that baha.

itsbeenAWHILE

So, I know it's been awhile since I've last written anything I have just been SUPER busy!! About 3 weeks ago I got back to school. I couldn't believe how much I have actually missed this place. Even though I spent about 6 weeks home, I really think that Scranton is my actual home, or at least my newfound home. I don't think I could ever get sick of the campus. Whenever I'm walking down the commons, it feels like the first day of classes (which is a great feeling). OH MY LORD I MUST TELL YOU! Ha! Sooooooo since Erin is not here this semester, because she is at bootcamp, I do not have a roommate. BUT on the Sunday I got back to school I had a roommate scare: I found out that I was getting a roommate named Guy. What, a girl named guy!? I was freaking out, going from being angry to crying to be angry again to crying again! I was a mess! As Sunday went on, Guy never showed up. So weird right? Well Guy did come to Scranton, except Guy is actually a Guy AND I KNOW GUY! Yup, I know him! We went to middle school together. So fucking weird, oh and hes in my theology class. Yeahh....awkward.

THE UNIVERSITY OF SCRANTON

Overall, second semester has been going awesome. I have so much more work than I did last semester, but I'm keeping up with it and so far I have gotten really good grades. I hope that the semester continues to go really well. I hope to keep up with my grades, get closer with my friends, and maybe find a boy. :)

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"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."

-Mark Twain

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"ISOLATION IS A DREAM KILLER."

-BARBARA SHER

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"And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow. "

-Gilbert K. Chesterton

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"Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world!"

-Joel Arthur Barker

youareLOVED

Stumble Upon is my new latest obsession. I go on it multiple times a day. The things that are on the Internet are really cool and really weird. I was just on stumble when I came upon this picture. A very simple photographic; shades of green and pinks lying beautifully next to each other. And then a piece of paper with three words: you are loved. Three words. Thats all it took to get the wheels in my brain to start turning. There have been times in my life where I have questioned the saying "i love you" from certain people. But there are few that when that say love you they mean it, and those people know who they are =]. But when I saw this photo it made me realize that no matter there is always going to be at least one person who loves me. And I hope that everyone in the world knows that there is at least one person who loves them, and sometimes you don't even know it. And that could make life interesting; to search for the one person who truly loves you.

THEHUMANAFESTIVAL!

"Actors Theatre of Louisville's Humana Festival of New American Plays is an annual site of pilgrimage where theatre lovers from around the world converge to get the first look at the future of the American theatre. More than 400 plays have been produced in the internationally acclaimed Humana Festival, representing the work of more than 200 playwrights."

(quote from the Humana Festival website)

It is also a place that offers many different Directors Workshops. The theatre group at my school has planned a trip to the Humana Festival in the beginning of our spring break (March 12th to March 14th). A 2 and 1/2 day festival of seeing new play after and play and doing workshop after workshop. Not only is it an awesome time to see plays but it is an amazing opportunity to establish contacts within the theatre industry. So basically, if you make good relationships with directors and other people, and you sustain these relationships throughout the years, you may have just found your way into the Theatre World. The thought at this opportunity gives me chills. At first, my parents were going to let me go...Unfortunately, I can now say goodbye to the Humana Festival (which I forgot to say takes place in Louisville, Kentucky). AU VOIR. I got in trouble with my parents and now they won't let me go on this trip. Total bummer. Another opportunity missed. Sad. Sad. Sad. Maybe next year, I guess.

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"Fall in love or fall in hate. Get inspired or be depressed. Ace a test or flunk a class. Make babies or make art. Speak the truth or lie and cheat. Dance on tables or sit in a corner. Life is divine chaos. Embrace it. Forgive yourself. Breathe. And enjoy the ride.."

-Solbeam

somepicturesfromLADYGAGA

ladyGAGA

What a wonderful woman. There are certain bands and songs that have helped me through all of my hardships but I have never been INSPIRED by someone. Lady GaGa has inspired me in more ways than one. Last night I attended the Monster Ball at Radio City Music Hall. She said a lot of things during the show; she is a very funny woman. But there was one thing she said that touched me: "Throughout my whole life I have been told 'No'. But that never stopped me. Don't let the word 'No' stop you from being who you want to be." The past week I have been thinking about giving up on my dream of being an Actress. But these words from Lady GaGa made me realize that I am not alone. A superstar such as Lady GaGa was told that her dream of being an artist would not come true. But she didnt let that get her down. She worked her ass off and now she is on top of the world. At her show last night, my mind was completely blown away. I am still in shock and awe in how amazing of a show it was. And the most amazing part is, is that she created the whole entire show herself; from the set-list to the lights to the effects. Of course, as everyone knows she sings live, and man did her voice sound KILLER last night! I actually started hysterically crying when she appeared on stage. I couldn't believe that I was actually seeing someone who has been so influential to me. It was such an awesome experience, and one that I will remember for the rest of my life. Lady GaGa has impacted my life; she has motivated me to be who I am, to not be afraid. Thank you Lady GaGa. Thank you so much for all that you do.

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"Tell me something that'll change me. I'm gonna love you with my hands tied. Show me your teeth."

-Lady GaGa

Tonight, I am actually going to see Lady GaGa at Radio City Music Hall with my friend Gina. It is going to be insane! I'll post pictures later!

soivebeenTHINKING

About a lot of things lately. I tend to think a lot and sometimes I think too much. Anywhooo I've been thinking about my life, well more like my future. I decided to create A PLAN. Yup, a plan that consists of what I want to accomplish within the next 3 and a half years that I have left of College. Here is my PLAN:

• For my second semester of Freshman year, which begins in 8 days, I plan on increasing my gpa from a 3.45 to a 3.6! I also plan to lose a lot of weight, get in the best shape of my life, get my wonderful soccer skills back, and get an awesome role in the Musical coming up. I am also Assistant Stage Managing the play The Chairs right when I get back to school, so for this I plan to learn from the actors and to learn about Stage Managing.
• For the Summer of 2010 I plan on working at the Town of Hempstead, which is like a law office. I was thinking of working at a summer camp, which would obviously be more fun, but I want more money so law office it is! I plan on making around $2,000.
• Throughout both my second semester and the Summer I plan on creating a powerpoint presentation that will attempt to convince my parents to let me study abroad in India. I don't want to think about the amount of research I am going to have to do.
• Before I leave for my first semester of Sophomore year I plan on introducing the powerpoint to my parents, arguing with them until I get them to the point where they say "we'll think about it," and then reminding them everyday to think about India. While they decide on India I will come up with a Plan B study abroad plan.
• During my winter break, I plan on working again at the Town of Hempstead and making around $1800. My savings account will be up to around 6-grand.
• My second semester of Sophomore year I plan on studying abroad, whether it be in India or another country. But, I will study abroad!
• The summer of 2011 I plan on going to the New York Conservatory for Acting. I get to live in the city for 4-weeks and of course do what I love for 4-weeks. The program costs around 4-grand, and because I plan on making so much money within 2010 I plan on splitting the cost with my parents.
• For my first semester of Junior year I don't have anything specific planned, all I know is that I just gotta keep up my grades! And of course be in the plays! :)
• During my winter break I plan to work, not sure where, but I would like to make up for the money that I spent on the New York Conservatory for Acting.
• My second semester of Junior year I plan on finding a paid Internship. I was maybe thinking of working at the Bloomberg Television Station in the city. I also plan on looking for a paid Theatre internship.
• Summer of 2012 I will hopefully have a paid Internship and make a good amount of money. By the end of this summer I plan to have around 8-grand in my bank account (7-grand minimum).
• Senior year: Nothing too specific planned except for two awesome trips with my friends. During my winter break, a trip to Vegas with Kelly and Julia and all of our college friends. During my spring break, a trip to LA with just Kelly and Julia. I know that if I keep a high gpa and work hard at all of my jobs, my parents will definitely let me go.
• Second semester of Senior year I have to look for a job. I hope to find one on Broadway or at a News Station/TV Station. I plan on doing this job until I make it big on Broadway or in Hollywood. I will live at home until I have enough money to support myself to live in an apartment in the city.

So, that is my plan! I think it is a pretty solid plan. But the real question is whether or not everything will go according to plan. I'll just have to wait and see!

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"If I knew that today would be the last time I’d see you, I would hug you tight and pray the Lord be the keeper of your soul. If I knew that this would be the last time you pass through this door, I’d embrace you, kiss you, and call you back for one more. If I knew that this would be the last time I would hear your voice, I’d take hold of each word to be able to hear it over and over again. If I knew this is the last time I see you, I’d tell you I love you, and would not just assume foolishly you know it already."

-Gabriel García Márquez

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"AND IN THE END, THE LOVE YOU TAKE, IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE YOU MAKE."

-THE BEATLES

HAPPINESS; What is it? And how come I have not found it yet? These are two questions I continue to ask myself every single day. I used to be a happy child, not a super happy child because I was always picked on, but I at least enjoyed life a little. Then 7th grade rolls around and things start to go downhill. I start to hate certain people in my life that youre supposed to love. I start to rebel in every way possible. I hate life and enter a 5-year depression stage. Awesome right? I finally got away from my past when college came around and HAPPINESS entered into my life; or so I thought. I thought the past was gone forever, but as soon as I got home this past winter break I realized that the past is just that much closer. It still haunts me every day in my house. Every time I hear my mother's voice, I am reminded of what I've done and what has happened to me. And then just last night I got a call from an agency near my town that wanted me to come in for an audition. I began to cry and shake with utter happiness. I had never felt like this before, and finally a smile, a smile that was real gleamed on my face. But as they say, all good things must come to an end. And damn, did this end fast. I told my parents about it and they told me I couldn't go. IT SUCKS WHEN THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE DON'T SUPPORT YOUR DREAM. They never supported my PASSION and LOVE for acting. They never understood it. They just wondered why "Their daughter couldn't do something REAL like accounting or business." What lovely parents right? Bullshit. They just add to the list on why I hate them. It makes me question my drive to make it on stage; why should I keep up with this dream when it's going to be nearly impossible with these two douche bags living in my life? I don't want to give up, I want to keep going. I know that I have talent. I know that I can make it. It would just be so much easier if my parents supported me. They now want me to drop my theatre major at school because "why should they be paying for a bullshit education." Aren't they so sweet? 10 minutes later my mom will act like nothing has happened, but the damage is done. The mean things that came out of her mouth this morning was said and they'll be engraved in my brain for a very long time. Remember mom, I'll never forget the things you say and do to me. I WILL NEVER FORGET THEM. Karma's a bitch.